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Gone but never forgotten
17 April 2020
After losing a close friend and fellow serviceman to suicide, Mates4Mates community ambassador, Mate and veteran, Kevin Humphreys, shares an important message.
“On 19 December 2019 Australia lost one of its favourite veterans. Steven Jeffrey Fazel (Faz) died by suicide following years of combined mental illness and alcohol addiction.
As I sat at his funeral with over a thousand others, I sat silent in the realisation of just how many lives he had touched and how much love was in the room for him. I also couldn’t help but reflect on my own history and that it could have been my face up on the screen a little over a decade earlier as I battled my own mental illness and alcohol abuse. At the wake following, conversations revealed others had similar reflections during the funeral which I found both uncomfortable and confronting to hear.
I wrote some words to farewell Faz and posted them on Facebook. I didn’t post it for likes or comments. I posted it because I wanted the world to know what sort of bloke Faz was – to me at least. I wanted to offer him my honour and dignity. Well, the response was overwhelming from others with a similar experience of him. I know the statistics, nonetheless it made me wonder how many other people are contemplating ending their lives as I had. Equally, it made me question how many people are wondering if anyone actually cares about them or remembers the contribution that they made? Indeed, one of the comments on the post was ‘it’d be nice if someone wrote something half as nice about me when I go’.
I’m sure you could think of a person you know and insert their name into the tribute I wrote. Wouldn’t you prefer to tell them in person, rather than after they’re gone?
So, my purpose here is to remind you that you are noticed, you are known, you are not forgotten. There are friends or family that can and will help you, that will write good things about you. The travesty is that these words are normally not said until after the person is gone. We need to bring those kind words forward, to today, to let people know (regardless whether they are struggling now or not), that they are valued, that the world is a better place with them here.
At the funeral one of Steve’s brothers, Kerry, recited a poem he wrote in honour of Steve. It hits the mark. Kerry’s poem is included here, and the tribute is on my website, kevinhumphreys.com.au, as inspiration for you to find courage and compassion for a conversation. This might be with someone you love and respect, someone you haven’t spoken with in a while, or a brutally honest yet equally compassionate conversation with yourself. Don’t wait till tomorrow.”
When The Black Dog Comes A Calling
By Kerry Fazel
In honour of Steve (Faz) Fazel
Wandering through life there can be many highs and lows.
We often find that speed humps will be with us where we go.
But many times the bumpy roads will eventually even out.
That is, unless, you live your life with endless fear and doubt.
Some people handle pressure by just talking to a friend.
It helps them to relieve the pain, get on with life again.
But when despair takes a hold of you, and it seems your world is falling.
It’s at that time, in your life, when the Black Dog comes a calling.
The Black Dog is a mongrel breed that sinks his teeth in hard.
He’ll take you on a horror run, and leave no calling card.
You often think he’s come to stay, impossible to shake.
And he’s always nipping at your mind if you’re asleep or you’re awake.
To break his stubborn hold on you takes a lot of courage and strength.
It takes the support of those you love, both family and your friends.
There’s times you feel that nothing works, that nothing can be done.
But look for help from those who know, you’re not the only one.
Some people seem to go through life with very little stress.
Others fight a constant battle, their life can be a mess.
The only thing that I can say, to keep your world from falling.
Is go and seek professional help before the Black Dog comes a Calling.
We often find that speed humps will be with us where we go.
But many times the bumpy roads will eventually even out.
That is, unless, you live your life with endless fear and doubt.
Some people handle pressure by just talking to a friend.
It helps them to relieve the pain, get on with life again.
But when despair takes a hold of you, and it seems your world is falling.
It’s at that time, in your life, when the Black Dog comes a calling.
The Black Dog is a mongrel breed that sinks his teeth in hard.
He’ll take you on a horror run, and leave no calling card.
You often think he’s come to stay, impossible to shake.
And he’s always nipping at your mind if you’re asleep or you’re awake.
To break his stubborn hold on you takes a lot of courage and strength.
It takes the support of those you love, both family and your friends.
There’s times you feel that nothing works, that nothing can be done.
But look for help from those who know, you’re not the only one.
Some people seem to go through life with very little stress.
Others fight a constant battle, their life can be a mess.
The only thing that I can say, to keep your world from falling.
Is go and seek professional help before the Black Dog comes a Calling.
