Family re-integration following deployment

Returning home is just as significant a change as departing 

After a period of separation, usually due to deployment, lengthy field exercises or training courses, and domestic or overseas postings Australian military families will experience re-integration. 

Family re-integration may also occur upon transition out of the Australian Defence Force (ADF), when a veteran may become significantly more immersed into family life. 

Military research studies have shown that for many Defence Force families, the re-integration or post-deployment period can be one of the most challenging stages of the deployment cycle. 

Adjustment may take a few weeks for some families and a few years for others, with various factors impacting the re-integration adjustment period such as the dynamic of the family situation, deployment context (combat or non-combat), the length and number of absences, and the family’s available support from friends and family. 

Re-integration challenges 

During an ADF member’s absence, a family may change and develop new ways of working together. On their return, the family dynamic may not simply revert to the “regular programming” which existed prior to the service member’s deployment or posting.  

The returning ADF member's sense of self will likely have been shaped by the experiences of their deployment or posting which may have included frequent states of hypervigilance, sometimes traumatic events, aggressive attitudes in hostile settings, strong military unit bonds, highly regimented and structured environments, and considerable stress and fatigue.  

When stepping out of a military framework into a very different family life situation, the returned service member can be faced with a range of challenges including:

• Communication barriers: Family members may have trouble expressing emotions. Different communication styles may lead to misunderstandings and difficulty managing conflict. 
• Role confusion in the household: Parenting roles, household responsibilities and decision-making dynamics may have changed, as the non-deployed parent needed to take on these roles during their partner’s absence.
• Mental health concerns: Service members returning with PTSD, anxiety, depression, moral injury or chronic pain may find this impacts relationships, daily functioning, emotional regulation, substance use levels and may lead to social isolation.
• Parenting difficulties: Children may have bonded differently with a non-deployed parent or caregiver. The returning parent may feel unsure how to re-engage with or discipline their children, who may also resist their authority.
• Intimacy and relationship strain: Couples may experience emotional distance and need to rebuild trust and intimacy.
• Financial changes: There are financial benefits for the family whilst the service member is deployed which can change when they return.

The impact of these challenges may lead to the service member feeling emotionally disconnected from their family even though they are physically together again. Feelings of exclusion or not belonging and being misunderstood may develop, and lead to isolation, emotional numbing and withdrawal. 

During and post deployment, military families that remain at home generally demonstrate remarkable resilience. There are some unique challenges experienced by partners during re-integration including loss of independence gained during deployment, suppression of their own needs to meet the needs of the returned member’s, disruption to their routines and parenting dynamics, and changes in their social support networks. 

These experiences can be complicated by the presence of physical or mental health conditions the service member returns home with, and challenges in their relationship with children in the household during the period of adjustment.  

Research shows that children can display challenging behaviours when reunited with their deployed parent. These can be difficult to manage for a parent who has been absent for long periods, and stressful for the parent who has likely done most of the caring in their absence. 

Strategies to combat re-integration  

By re-establishing routines, taking the time to reconnect as a family unit and understanding that it can take a few months (or more) to navigate the changes that deployment and training exercises brings, the re-integration process can be made easier. 

Helpful strategies to consider during re-integration may include:

• Manage expectations: There may be idealised expectations about the reunion that are not aligned with reality, which can lead to disappointment. Be aware that it will take time to readjust to being together again, which may be difficult at times, and efforts can be made to reduce the impact of the re-integration challenges.
• Practise open and honest communication: Using “I” statements, asking open, curious questions and listening to each other’s answers will promote understanding and enable constructive conflict management. 
• Role re-negotiation: Redistribute responsibilities (parenting, finances, household tasks, etc.) and use collaborative problem solving to reduce power struggles and validate contributions of all family members.
• Re-establish bonds with children: One-on-one time with children is recommended and reassurance that the ADF member is home to stay may be needed. Being consistent and patient and learning to manage your own emotional reactions can help the child regulate theirs.
• Create new shared experiences: Build new memories together to strengthen bonds and engage in activities that foster connection and joy such as planning some fun day trips, sharing in hobbies or taking a holiday. 
• Rebuild intimacy and connection with partner: Practice rituals of connection through date nights and shared interests. Allow time for intimacy and trust to re-develop. 
• Socially re-integrate: Take steps to engage with friends and family and the wider civilian community.

Support at Mates4Mates 

Mates4Mates provides support for current and ex-serving members and their families that may be experiencing re-integration challenges.  

Psychological, counselling and social work services are available both in person at Veteran & Family Wellbeing Centres and via telehealth for building knowledge on healthy coping strategies. Individual, couple and family therapy can help process experiences and rebuild trust and connections when an ADF member returns. 

In addition, Skills for Recovery Programs can help implement important skills and strategies, with some programs specifically catering for partners and family members. One-Day Wellness programs also enable some time out to relax, share experiences and connect with other like-minded people.  

To find out more about how Mates4Mates can help support you, reach out to us on 1300 4 MATES (62 837) for a confidential chat.       

Other helpful services relevant to re-integration and transition include:

• Defence Member and Family Support with 24/7 helpline: 1800 624 608 
• Open Arms - Veterans & Families Counselling with 24/7 helpline: 1800 011 046 
• Open Arms - Stepping Out 2-day workshop
• Go Beyond - Navigating Life Beyond Service
• Triple P - Positive Parenting Program
• ADAPT - After Deployment: Adaptive Parenting Tools
• Partner Employment Assistance Program (PEAP) provides financial support for eligible ADF members and their families

Written by Trinity Pennisi, Mates4Mates Counsellor